


Open your heart

by chick_with_wifi



Category: Batman (Comics), Birds of Prey (Comic), DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Disabled Character, Emotional, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 03:09:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16210139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chick_with_wifi/pseuds/chick_with_wifi
Summary: She smiled at him and allowed herself, just for a moment, to believe that everything would be alright.Aka, the first time Babs sees Dick after the events of the k*lling j*ke. (A reworking of a certain scene from Nightwing annual 2)





	Open your heart

“Knock knock,” called a voice from the other side of the door.

Barbara recognised it immediately and her breath caught in her throat. She had been hoping to hear from him, but now he was here she suddenly felt nervous.

She opened the door and there stood none other than Richard Grayson. She did a slight double take, having to readjust her line of sight to compensate for being at eye level with his abdomen. “Dick?”

“In the ever-bruised flesh and fresh from the edge of the galaxy,” he replied. He held out a bouquet of flowers and she took them, admiring how beautiful they were.

She maneuvered her chair so she could set the flowers in a vase on the coffee table. But as she did this she was conscious of Dick’s eyes on her, which made her feel awkward and clumsy even though after six months she was getting pretty good at steering her chair. 

“Not as bruised as mine,” she said, looking at the flowers instead of him. “Well, it’s more my spine than my flesh…” she trailed off as she realised how bitter her words must sound to someone seeing her for the first time after the incident. Two minutes into the conversation and she was already wallowing in self-pity. Nice one, Barbara.

Dick’s facial expression softened. “Babs, I…” 

His sympathy made Barbara feel the pain even more keenly than before. As he stood there, he seemed to be a physical manifestation of everything she had lost. Everything she could never do again. She blinked back tears.

Dick knelt down, putting them at roughly the same height, and hugged her tightly. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you. If I’d known I would’ve been back immediately. You know that, right?”

She hadn’t realised how much she needed that hug until it happened. Even though at some level she was aware of how she couldn’t feel his body pressing against her legs, she was focussing on how relieved she was to have her oldest friend back with her.

He had always been someone around whom she felt as though she could let down her guard. From problems with her dad when she was a kid, to the tumult of emotions she was feeling right in that moment. So she returned his hug and stopped fighting back the tears. “G-grayson, ju-just shut up and hol-hold me.”

After about a minute she realised that she was making a wet patch on his shirt and pulled away, wiping her eyes roughly with her sleeve. “Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to do that. I promise I don’t make a habit of turning into a soggy mess every time someone comes to visit me. Actually I hardly ever turn into a soggy mess, I don’t know what I was thinking, I - ”

Dick sat back on his heels. “Babs, it’s ok. Really.” He took her hand and looked up into her eyes, concern and compassion plain on his face. “I know you, Babs. You’re the bravest person I have ever met, but you keep everything bottled up inside of you. If you need to let it all out, then by all means turn into a soggy mess. I’m here for you, if you want to talk or if you don’t want to talk. You don’t need to be strong for me.”

Those were exactly the words she needed to hear. “In that case…” She gave a tearful smile. “How long can you stay for?”

He didn’t even hesitate before replying, “For as long as you need me.”

Her smile widened and she indicated with her head to the sofa. “Then what are you waiting for, Boy Wonder?” Nicknames and teasing, it was just like old times.

Dick followed Barbara through into the living room and took a seat on the sofa. While she transferred out of her chair, he didn’t stare at her nor did he attempt to ‘help’, which Babs was grateful for. She had always been a fiercely independent person and now even more so, since it irritated her no end when people treated her as though she couldn’t do things or went out of their way to ‘assist’ her. She didn’t have handles on the back of her chair for a reason.

Once Barbara was comfortable, Dick looked at her and waited for her to begin speaking. She took a moment to gather her thoughts before saying, “I’m not going to lie to you, Grayson. These past six months have been hard. Really fricking hard.” She clenched her fists, then let them relax and looked up at him. “But I’m still here. That’s got to count for something, right?

“I’m getting used to the chair,” she continued. “Sure my life is different now but that’s not the problem. The problem is...I’m not in the hospital anymore but I’m still not free of it. I’m scared to fall asleep in case I dream about the gunshot or the surgery, or I wake up and think I’m still there. I hear something totally innocuous, like the sound of the microwave beeping and suddenly it’s like I’m back there, lying on the hospital bed and listening to the beeping of the monitors. That feeling of helplessness and fear. Full HD detail, right down to the slightly loose tile on the ceiling. I’ve got my eidetic memory to thank for that. And don’t even get me started on the sound of a doorbell.”

She needed to take a break because she was crying so hard. Dick didn’t say anything and leaned towards the coffee table to get her a tissue. Then he put an arm around her comfortingly.

The words cut Barbara’s throat like razor blades but she had to say them, she _needed_ to say them. Now that she’d started she couldn’t stop. She found herself voicing thoughts and feelings she had never put into words before.

“And it’s been really hard on my dad, I know it has. I haven’t spoken to him about any of this, he already has enough to deal with as it is. And he won’t stop blaming himself for me being in this chair, regardless of how many times I tell him it isn’t his fault.” She took a breath and slowly ran a hand through her hair. “On one of the first nights back home, I shouted him in the middle of the night because I couldn’t stop crying and I said to him ‘please can you hug me and tell me everything’s going to be ok. I don’t care that it’s not true I just really need to hear it’.”

“Oh Babs…” Dick breathed, pulling her closer to him. She snuggled into his side.

“He did it though. And he’s been really good help. Sometimes he takes me out on drives. We don’t go anywhere, just around the neighbourhood, but it’s good to get out of the house and not have to worry about navigating the sidewalk in a chair. And it’s like...I want to get back to my life, to be Barbara Gordon again, but I don’t know who that even is anymore.”

She stopped speaking, blowing her nose and wiping away the last of her tears. “That was actually quite cathartic. Like that old cliché, ‘I feel as though a great weight has been lifted’. Thank you.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He smiled. “Hey, you want to hear a funny story?”

Barbara put her elbow on the backrest of the sofa and rested her head on her hand. “Go for it.”

“So, a while ago Bruce and I were at this fancy gala and Alfred was supposed to be picking us up in the limo but he wasn’t there. So Bruce called to ask where he was at and Alfred was really apologetic ‘oh Master Bruce I’m so sorry the traffic is terrible I’ll be there soon’. Then Bruce just goes ‘Alfred I called the house phone’.”

Barbara laughed. “What was he doing?”

“Watching Downton Abbey. Priorities, right?”

She smiled at him and allowed herself, just for a moment, to believe that everything would be alright.

Looking around the room, she tried to think of something they could do to prolong this moment. For the first time in a long while, she felt safe and comforted and she wasn’t about to let it end.

Her gaze settled on the tv. “Hey, do you want to watch a movie? I have Netflix.”

“Sure,” Dick said.

They chose a PG movie - one that was sure not to have any gun violence in it - and settled down to watch it together.

Dick noticed that Babs seemed much calmer and he felt her breathing eventually even out as she fell asleep with her head resting on his shoulder. He brushed a lock of hair out of her face and turned down to volume of the movie so it wouldn’t disturb her.

When it had finished and the credits were rolling, he was reluctant to move in case he woke Babs up. She looked so peaceful and he was certain she must be in dire need of that sleep.

But when he heard the sound of a key in the door, he realised he would need to move eventually, so he stood up carefully and placed one of the sofa cushions where he had been. Babs was so deeply asleep she didn’t even stir.

He met Commissioner Gordon just as he walked in the door door. Barbara’s dad didn’t seem surprised to see him. In fact, he almost seemed relieved. He had heavy bags under his eyes, his uniform was rumpled and he had a styrofoam coffee cup in one hand.

“Babs is asleep,” Dick said quietly. “Hello, Commissioner.”

“How many times have I asked you to call me Jim?” He peered over Dick’s shoulder and when he caught sight of Babs on the sofa he smiled fondly. “I haven’t seen her look that peaceful since...well, since before. I really appreciate you coming over, Dick. Maybe you should be here more often.”

“Of course,” Dick said. “I certainly plan to, I’m just sorry I wasn’t here sooner. If you ever need anything, just ask. And that offer extends to you as well, Commissioner, not just Babs.”

“Thank you. As I’m sure you’re aware, all of this has been very difficult.” He sighed heavily. “But Barb is so brave. I can’t stop thinking, was there something I could have done? It’s my fault she’s paralyzed, I could have killed the Joker dozens of times, I -”

Dick held up a hand. “Let me stop you right there. Babs would hate to hear you talking like that, and for that matter so do I. Listen to me carefully, ok? Write this down if you need to: it is not your fault. Crossing the line, killing a criminal in cold blood, creates more problems than it solves. In hindsight it’s so much easier to say ‘I should have done this, I should have done that’ but in reality, it’s so much more complicated than that.”

“You seem to really know what you’re talking about,” the Commissioner said, taking a sip of coffee which Dick suspected had long since gone cold. He didn’t seem surprised at his words, though.

I understand better than you realise, Dick thought. And I know you’re doing the best you can with these awful cards you’ve been dealt.

Aloud he said, “Babs is lucky to have you as a dad. I can tell you for a fact she really appreciates everything you’ve done for her.”

“And she’s lucky to have you as a friend,” the Commissioner replied. “I know you really care about her.”

Dick didn’t know how to reply to that so he hugged the Commissioner, who seemed rather taken aback but returned the hug nonetheless. 

He knew life for the Gordons would never be the same but they were both some of the bravest people he knew. They would be ok.

He pulled away and checked his watch. “I have to get going now. But I’ll visit again soon, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that, you know,” the Commissioner said. “Good night, son.”

“Good night.” Dick paused on his way out of the door and watched the Commissioner bend down to give the sleeping Barbara a kiss on the forehead.

Then he made his way out of their house and quietly closed the door behind him. He leaned on it and attempted to process everything that had happened. When he’d first heard about what the Joker had done to Barbara, he had been gutted, angry and most of all worried about what that might mean for Babs.

He knew he couldn’t conceptualise how difficult that must have been for her, but after all she’d said today he had a better idea. She was so brave, he knew that, and somehow he knew - he couldn’t say how but he _knew_ \- she was going to be ok.


End file.
